As of yesterday my baby is 3 weeks old. Feels like she is so much older than that! (I'm sure some sleepless nights and crying has nothing to do with that:) It's also partially because we feel like we have known her forever. It's an awesome feeling.
So, here's our starter story:
The weeks leading up to delivery were probably the most stressful of my life. My dr, who I don't even want to call "my", had been pressuring me to do a c-section since week 36 because baby's head was measuring "large" and by the computer software's calculations she would be anywhere from 9-10 lbs. His reasoning was this: "I just don't know that your pelvis can handle a baby of this magnitude." He would even admit that the software could be wrong... blah blah blah. He would admit there was a 10% error margin. So she could be anywhere from 8-10 lbs. But, he would never admit that she could be only 8 lbs. His eyes were focused on 10+lbs.
I told him the next visit that c-section was out of the question. The only way I was doing it was if it was an emergency during delivery. If I had to be induced (which I also didn't want), because of her size I would want that first. He would put on an apathetic face and say "Look, if you want to attempt at a v. delivery, feel contractions, give it a go- we can do it your way. My fear is that your baby's head is just too large to "drop" into your pelvis, and after hours and hours of laboring you'll end up needing a c-section anyway. But, if you want to give it a go, we can do that."
Great guy right?
Well, the only "progress" I had made was on Monday the 7th (Our 3 year anniversary). I was effaced 25%, and I was excited about it. Unfortunately, he didn't take that as "real progress". "Even if we induce you, there is a possibility that you will labor for 24 hours and not dilate. Then we'll need to do a c-section. You have an "unwilling" cervix. But we can give it a go if you would like."
After hearing that I was going to try to be induced by acupuncture on Wed Nov 9 (her due date), he said he would like to see me that afternoon. I came in, still no change. "We need to talk about your options. This baby is only getting bigger! We can schedule a c-section for tomorrow or Friday, and you could be holding your little one before the weekend is here!"
"What about induction?" I asked.
"Well let me see here. *PAUSE*. The earliest we could schedule you to come in Tuesday night to be induced Wednesday morning? I will not allow you to go beyond 41 weeks. It's my policy."
(Me: [in my head] "Really? You want to give this already "large" baby another week's worth of growth before inducing me? Are you crazy? I've got your crazy.")
"Yes. Schedule me."
So, we prayed and prayed and hula-hooped, and took herbs, and did electro-acupunture, and acu-pressure, and jumped up and down, and walked stairs, and took walks, and all sorts of other ideas to get baby girl here before Tuesday. But alas, Tuesday afternoon arrived for my appt, and no baby or contractions arrived. My mom went with me to my appt since I coaxed Andrew into going to class with a promise of I would call if I had made progress. No progress.
My mom was coming to meet the doctor. She wanted to see if my stories of this man were true or not. Needless to say, she didn't even like him! That's how awful he is! My own mother, whom likes everyone, didn't like him. In her words, "He's creepy." YEAH!
So, we head to my apartment and I pull out the unused "Go bag" which I came to find was more of an "incomplete" bag. It gave me something to do as I waited for Andrew to come home from class. He walked in the door to see my mom sitting on the couch and came in to the bedroom. I had stayed strong until the moment. As he came to hug me I burst into tears. All of this was so wrong. Not only wrong, so unnatural for me. I wanted this little girl to come on her own, and now she didn't have the option.
We stopped at Burger King on the way. We made it to the hospital and they put us in a room (GIGANTIC ROOM). "Take off all your clothes and put the gown on," a nurse said.
"Can't I at least keep my t-shirt on?" I asked.
That was when I started getting angry. This is not what I wanted. I wanted to wear my own clothes, be able to roam the halls, and feel like myself. I already felt like a prisoner.
Soon after a couple of nurses came in. One to ask me a million questions, and the other to insert an IV. I couldn't hold back tears. I hated this. Loathed this. The one doing the IV asked, "You ok?" When I returned a blank stare, she prompted "Just excited?"
"No," I whimpered.
"You're not excited? C'mon, you shouldn't be sad- You're about to have a baby!"
Andrew then nicely and calmly explained my hatred of IV's and medical stuff. The nurse then felt it important to explain to be the benefits of having an IV. I'm not stupid, and I knew all the information anyway.
"This isn't my first time getting an IV."
She picked a spot on my forarm and said it was a "Tender spot" so try not to move from the pain.
"I'm about to experience labor, and you think I'm scared of an IV?" I said. "That didn't even hurt," I said as she stuck it in.
She looked up at me with a scrunched fae and said "Opsss... You're gonna have a bruise.... I missed!" I look at my arm where a 4" cruise has already started to appear. 'Great,' I think to myself.
"You only have one more shot," I say. She picks the normal spot in the wrist and digs in. It takes.
They promptly leave me alone when the other person comes in to take blood. Why not just do it from my IV? Good question, they pricked on the other arm.
I got there about 4:30, and the Dr comes at 5:30. He inserts my "cervical balloon catheter". "This shouldn't hurt."
YEAH RIGHT. My pride is already suffering thinking that my body won't let me have this child!
That little bugger starts pains immediately every few minutes.
The dr explains that we are going to use this device to make me dilate to a 5. We will be using pitosin throughout the night to help contractions along. In the early afternoon, IF my body continues to dilate past a 5 (he didn't think I would!!) then we will start pushing.
The first two hours were complete hell. I told the nurse about the pains. "Well, I'm sure it's just your uterus trying to adjust for the balloon being there. It's just a little upset."
A LITTLE UPSET? I was having contraction like pains every 2-3 minutes that lasted anywhere from 30-40 seconds. I felt outside my mind. After 2 hours I told Andrew (poor Andrew did remarkably well and stayed calm while I was freaking out) that I couldn't do this anymore. My parents arrived with food, and I was so uncomfortable and nauseous I couldn't eat anything. I told the nurse I would need to do an epidural. She said she would need to flush me with a bag & 1/2 of the water solution before, and we needed to get me started on pitosin (I thought I was already on pitocin! SO I was thoroughly freaked at what was happening!). So, she did. It was entirely strange because after the first bag had drained, I started to feel better. I could feel the contractions, but they didn't really hurt. I was back to my jolly self. That lasted for another few hours, until they upped me from "2" to "4" pitosin.
The pains came on remarkably fast. Now they were lasting upwards of 40 seconds, and pain was even in the few second breaks. The peaks were really high, and the "breaks" were about 1/2 of the peak. I didn't last many hours after that. At midnight I figured I could either get an epidural now, and sleep through the night to conserve energy for the afternoon of pushing, or I could get it in the morning and be exhausted for pushing. The pain was not slowing, and it wasn't "progressing" as normal labor does. This started all at once. I admitted "defeat".
So, at midnight a man came to do the epidural. After that, it was relief. At first I could still feel baby kicking around, and my contractions, but soon it all went numb. My legs felt like they weighed a thousand pounds. I couldn't move my lower half on my own. The nurse said to help the baby drop we are going to rotate me every hour to lay on my opposite side. This went fine until 3 am. I was only half awake when the two nurses came to help me rotate.
"Did her water break?" I heard the unknown nurse ask.
"No, I'm sure that's just bloody show," my nurse said.
I thought that strange that I didn't know my lower half was sitting in water and blood. I couldn't feel anything. But I just let them turn me and started to drift again. I was listening to baby girl's heart on the monitor.
"Dub-dub, dub-dub,dub-dub......dub......dub..... dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub......dub......dub".
There's no way that was what I heard. My eyes flashed open to look at the screen. I watched in horror as baby's heart was racing at normal capacity, then would slow to slower than mine. I was reaching for the nurses button would my nurse ran in.
"Her heart!" I stuttered.
"I know, I was monitoring you outside. I think the catheter may have broken your water, and now it's preventing it from being able to fulling escape. It's happened before to make a baby's heart rate do that. I'm going to check you."
She rolls me on my back. She goes to take water out of the balloons, but when she grabs the end, they just slide out.
"They just slide out themselves!" she said.
"What does that mean?" I ask.
"That means you are dilated more than a 5!" she smiles. "Let me see how dilated you are. I watch as her face falls. "You're a TEN!"
"WHAT!?" I say.
"You're measuring a ten!" she says in disbelief.
"What does that mean?" I ask, proping myself up on my elbows.
"It means you're about to have a baby!"
I am sitting there in disbelief at this news at a little after 3 am, when the nurse comes back to herself and says "ANDREW!" andrew becomes more alert and she says, "PUSH THE NURSE BUTTON!"
"Hi, what can I help you with?"
"I NEED SOME HELP IN HERE!" my nurse explains.
Immediately 5 nurses run in. One grabs an oxygen mask and attaches it over my nose and mouth. "This is for you and the baby," she tries to reassure me. I burst into tears. I'm still thinking about baby's heart beat and whether she is okay or not. "What's wrong?" my nurse asks. "Are you in pain?"
I shake my head no. "Is she going to be okay?" I cry.
The nurse grabs my hand, "She is just fine! Don't you worry about her! We just need to get you ready!" She turns away. "Somebody call the on-call.
"Andrew! Call my Mom!" I cry. I'm hoping my mom can make it in time.
My nurse tells me, "The on call is here. It's not your normal doctor, but she is great. I think you'll like her. Are you going to be okay that it's not your doctor delivering her?"
"Which doctor is it?"
"It's doctor Elliot. She is in the same office as he is."
I smiled HUGE as I saw her walk through the door. "That's perfect!" I am so excited I can't hide it. I look at Andrew, who is also beaming.
(**NOTE** This was the original doctor in the office I wanted to go to, but she didn't take our insurance, only the guy did.)
Looking back now I feel like Heavenly Father has a slightly twisted sense of humor :)
She wants to wait to see if baby will come down a little further before pushing so I don't exhaust myself. My mom comes. When I ask her where dad is, she exclaims, "I left him getting dressed! I wasn't going to let him slow me down!" *Smiles*
By this time, I can feel and move my left leg, but my right is still a thousand pounds. I can also feel my stomach, can flex it, and can feel the contractions with no pain. I was siked! I couldn't believe my good fortune! I was going to be able to feel her birth with no pain!
Soon the "coaching nurse" and my nurse come in. "We want to try and do a few practice pushes, just to see if baby is ready. If she doesn't come down farther, we will just stop and relax for a little while and try again."
"Okay," I nodd. They explain that what they want is to see baby's head go into position, by getting baby's head under the pelvic bone.
With mom on my right and Andrew on my left, they coach me through 3 pushes during a contraction. On the third push my nurse says, "You did it! Her head is in place! Get the doctor!" She looks at me, "Great job! Don't even think about pushing till the doctor comes in!"
The doctor comes in shield and all, ready to go. During the 2nd contraction (the 6th push), I hear my mom exclaim: "She has hair!"
"Is it RED?!?!" I shriek through the push.
"No, it's brown!" I breath a sigh of relief. Unlike my other siblings, I've never really cared to have a red headed child. Plus, I always pictured this little one with brown hair!
During the fourth contraction, and push number 12 (counting from the "practice pushes"), Baby girl made her entrance.
Still in position, I could see her once her whole body came. The doctor held her up for me to see, and I shrieked/cried and fell back. I could hardly see from all the tears. Andrew leans down and give me a kiss. I couldn't believe she was here!
The doctor weighed her in her hands.
"THIS is NOT a 10 lb baby! She is maybe 8 lbs!"
"I knew it!" I yell.
They grab a towel and wipe her down then set her on my chest. She immediately stopped crying and just looks at me. She is alert and perfect.
"Ten fingers and toes," the nurse says.
"I forgot to count them!" I laugh.
After a little while, they pick her up and move her across the room to do a little exam and clean her up. Meanwhile, everyone leaves me alone to wait as the dr stitches me up. (I started to tear a little in the front, so the dr did a small episiotomy in the back to prevent worse damage.)
Little Brooklyn Jayne was born November 16, 2011 at 5:01 am. 7 lbs 15 oz. 20.5 inches long.
I can't think of anything that would relieve me more than if this little girl were here already.
Today started like a normal Sunday. Not so normally, Andrew woke up slightly grumpy, but luckily for me he turned it around himself by Sunday School 2nd hour. I however, count myself "let off easy"... since he had to deal with my mood swings and random crying outbursts after church. He definitely wins the most "Compassionate, Loving, Wonderful, Can't-wait-for-him-to-Father-my-Children" Award. If I could buy a trophy and fit all that verbiage on there, I would make it for him for our 3rd year anniversary tomorrow!
I'm hoping these mood swings and crying fits are purely hormonal. I don't know if Andrew will say otherwise, but I think I've been really in control this whole time... and now today it burst out of me like a canon. It's like: I want to be alone, but as soon as I am left alone I beg for company. When I say I think sleep will help- I lay down, and then decide it is too darn uncomfortable to stay there. Lucky for me, Andrew has been EXTREMELY patient with me, and also stays completely rational during my crisis... and doesn't take it personally if I say I want to be alone. :) I owe him big time! The outbreak only lasted a couple of hours... but it still haunts me. I hate that feeling of being out of control.
I think it is just everything accumulating, that PLUS hormones, that got me twirled. The constant chatter from Dr's, and let's not forget the little voice that is constantly bugging me from inside my own mind of "When will she be here?" "How will labor go?" "How big is she really?" are killing me. I should have known better that by the end of the pregnancy I could not stand to wait for her to come on her own :) I'm way too impatient... and all the false labor isn't helping either. I've thought every day for the past 4 days was to be the day because I would start having stronger contractions spaced out for a few hours... and then they would abruptly stop. There is no better way to get a prego's hopes up, is there?
I just don't know how much longer I can wait... I'm so excited for the next leg of this journey... to have the reward from this 9 month pregnancy... and to see her little face and to know she is mine... and the look I can practically see on Andrew's face when his eyes fall onto her little self for the first time.
How did you cope with the last weeks.days of pregnancy?
Andrew, seeing my sadness, perked up in hyper gear and came up with a last minute idea for costumes that luckily, we had all the pieces for!
(Sorry, I did the same picture twice, but it won't let me erase it!)
And SURPRISE! Everyone knew EXACTLY what we were! DISNEY TOURISTS! And of course, most of the little girls are dressed as princesses, so we would run up or point them out & yell, "PRINCESS! can I have your autograph!" People were laughing, and it was fun. Andrew took random empty photos with my SLR all night. It was funny. He ahd the goofy look and everything! I give him props for that one.
Even the next day at church we had people saying, "Hey kids look- there's the tourists!". I was surprised that everyone liked our costumes that much. It was fun to be there.
Thanks Andrew, for turning that weekend around for me: I sure do love you :)
That's right- Delivery Day! I am so close I can taste it! I can practically feel her in my arms.. the little warm breath on my neck while she snuggles on my shoulder. That sweet smell that only is available to newborns...
And as I listen to the sound of hard rain on the window... I am at peace. Wednesday will mark my 37th week! Whew. I am still working (Thanks for helping out Mom- it has been a LOT less stressful with your help!) , still feeling good, and now am just IMpatiently waiting for this little girl to make her first debut.
How do people seriously wait this long to greet their little one?? I mean, I know you don't really have an option... but the SUSPENSE is killing me!
When will labor start? Where will I be? How long will it take?
Another problem I'm sure is that I'm expecting it any day... anytime. I know we won't make it to November 9, especially since my dr has told me so! He's told me whenever I want to be induced he will do it. However, I really want her to come on her own. And hopefully that is REALLY SOON! I guess especially since the last couple of weeks I finally feel "prepared"- or as prepared as I can be at this point- I am more anxious than ever. It's like me saying "I'm finally ready- c'mon baby! Anytime!"
I just.. can't wait. I think I will cry from happiness instead of pain whenever I do go into labor- knowing we are just hours away from looking at her face, inches from our own.
People tell me that you miss having them on the "inside". It's like now, I don't have to share... she is all mine. I know her and she knows me... and Dad's voice (that's right Andrew- "DAD"!) And, once she comes, she will have a lot more people in her life. They say I will miss the little bumps and protrusions from her moving around in my tummy. My little nudger did a first last night.
She is head down (THANKFULLY!), so she usually lays on her side in a c shape if you are looking at me from the front. Her little backbone sticks out on the sides and sometimes I can feel her spine all the way to her little rump up top! But last night, she decided to turn over in a different way than usual- I pulled my shirt tight against my stomach to see better. I watched as what could have only been feet walked across the top of my stomach, turning herself onto her other side. It was amazing! So so cool!
Enough of my rantings! I am going to go watch the rain through the window!
Yea for New Life!
My shower was last Thursday. It was slightly overwhelming. I was glad I wasn't like Rachel (off the show 'friends'), where she has NO IDEA what any of the stuff is for. I knew what every single gift's purpose was. It was a tad reassuring. Over the last two days we have been sorting, returning, and purchasing the few things we still needed. As of this afternoon, I feel like we have collected everything we need to welcome this little girl home... whenever she decides to join us on the outside :)
The shower was good, but when I walked into my mom's house after work that night, I got an ASTOUNDING surprise that I had to do a double take for. My sister Christy, and her 6 month old Ben, were standing in the kitchen, huge smiles on both of their faces. Needless to say the waterworks fell for me. I couldn't believe that she had pulled off this surprise! She flew in all the way from Mesa to come. It was awesome. It was fun spending the weekend with her and getting to know Ben better too. Of course, seeing one sister always tugs for the other as well. I know April would have been there too if she could of. Having Christy here made me miss April even more! It's crazy, yet awesome, how family connects in different ways. But, we always yearn to all be together.
The shower itself was good (ditto), but I can't say I totally enjoyed having 25+ pairs of eyes staring at me while I open gifts. I wouldn't say I am a shy person, but being the center of attention for a party makes me uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure I didn't even eat any of the yummy desserts until the games were being held and I could be by myself.
So, as of this moment, I am feeling reassured that our home is as ready as it is gonna get for our little one to come.
I did go to the OB on Tuesday. They hooked me up to "THE MACHINE". The fetal stress test machine that is. It was slightly scary that it took the nurse about 5 minutes to find baby's heartbeat. However, it was soon apparent why. As soon as the nurse found the heartbeat, it disappeared a moment or two later. She would find it again, and then it would disappear again! Baby Girl was making her play chase! It was slightly funny to me that the nurse was "getting served" by my baby. haha. It was less funny, however, when the nurse said, "Here MOM! I am putting you responsible for keeping this pad near her heartbeat while doing the test." I watched her leave the room and thought this test would only last a few minutes. Nope. anywhere from 30-45 minutes later- my hand was shaking from trying to push this little plastic pad on my belly trying to follow wherever baby was going!
The doctor came in and took a look at the readings. He said baby movement looked great, right on track (Which is always reassuring). He then pointed out to me all these "hills and valleys" on the paper.
"Have you been feeling any contractions?" he asked.
Me: "NO. why?"
He points to the sheet of paper, "See all these hills? Those are contractions. You've been having them the whole time today at your visit... every few minutes"
Him: "Are you sure you haven't felt any pain or discomfort?"
Me: "No, I would tell you if I had. Maybe I thought it was baby's movements when it was really a contraction."
He checked me and confirmed I'm not dilated. But it had been fun to see the "stupor" look on his face at every visit when I am doing well. Things did turn a little sour after that since some of my labs weren't looking as good as I was. However, he has just decided to see me twice a week from now on instead of once. Things are okay, so don't worry. :) He is just taking precautions to make sure this little girl arrives healthy and on time!
Update: Last Friday Dr Appt
Sonogram: Lady continued to tell us that baby has a big head. A big "SHOUT OUT THANKS" to her. Then she told us she weighs about 6 lbs. Which, I am not too concerned about since they are pretty much always wrong. However, she told us she was doing a 3D ultrasound, and we did catch some shots of a lot of hair on her head. Which was awesome! And we also did catch a smile on her perfect little lips. Then we had an argument with her (my parents were there too) about who she looked more like. She thought baby looked like Andrew, and we all concurred that she looked just like my baby pictures. Obviously this sonogram lady is off her rocker. I'm beginning to think she doesn't like me and just wants to make me cry by saying that my baby's head is big, she is already 6 lbs at only "33 weeks", and that she looks like a boy. And also after we told her we did not want to pay $20 for prints, she did it anyway and ended up charging us. Awesome... and I'm the one who didn't even want to do 3D.
However, it does tend to prove my theory that our due date is wrong. I am thinking November 1st. The sonogram lady said the computer's calculations said it would be possible for her to be born technically "full term" October 25. However, it is more than likely that she will be born closer to her due date. Of course, why would I believe her? See my above paragraph. lol.
And then I think it's remarkably ironic that people think that due dates is when your child will really be born. Sure, it gives you a date to look forward to. However, it is just a guess people. No one knows but your baby and the Lord. Like I have told a couple of people that I think she will be here the 1st of November, and 9/10 people would say,
"Well, you know, most first babies are born late."
"Well, you know, most first babies are born only a few days early."
"Well, you know, don't get your hopes up. Mine was late by _____."
And since I am working I can never tell them what I really think of them in that moment :)
Here is what I am usually thinking:
"First off, you don't really know me, or my pregnancy.
Secondly, I am glad you are an expert on the subject.
Thirdly, I have no idea when we actually got pregnant- so you tell me if my due date is accurate or not.
Fourthly, Consider when we went in for the first time they estimated that I was 14 weeks. Everyone knows the farther in pregnancy you get, the harder it is to be accurate.
Fourthly, I wasn't asking you."
So it looked like my problems have nothing to do with people randomly coming up and touching my belly.
However, it is harder to shut an insistent dumb person up, then it is to slap a hand away.
Wow. I totally didn't mean for this to be a slightly rant post. Sorry peeps. I am really excited. This Thursday is the baby shower. I am nervous but excited. This is happening... really happening. I say I "can't wait" for her to be here. But I can, because I want her to be healthy and happy. I just want to hug her and love on her... I don't think I was prepared for this little girl that will soon change our family and lives. However, I am gonna try to be the best mom I can... and I know I will never be happier :)
Step 1: Clean up shade.
Step 2: Cut out fabric to match shape of shade.
Step 3: Use spray adhesive to attach the material to the shade.
Step 4: Let Dry. Trim excess fabric.
Step 5: Use a hot glue gun to attache ribbon as trim.
Step 6: Once mistakes are identified: Use cute ribbon to cover them up :D
Below is the final product:
Things I do not want to forget for all natural help in pregnancy:
- Heartburn (check)- Cardio plus (aka. vitamin B & cocuten)
- Nausea/Queasiness (check)- Cataplex B (aka vitamin B)
- Swelling feet/legs (check)- AC Carbamide (diarectic that helps the kidneys)
- Headache (check)- Cardio plus
- Zero Energy (check)- Adrenal Dessicated (helps adrenals with fatigue)
- Restless/Sleepless (check)- Cataplex G (all 12 B vitamins to calm the body)
- Congestion (DOUBLE check)- Antronex (to reduce stress on the liver caused by pregnancy)
- CRAVINGS (TRIPLE check)-head to the nearest seller ASAP... and don't ask questions. :)
Compared to what other women have told me about their pregnancies, this baby girl seems to be very laid back... :) Which is fine with me. It just makes me nervous when I don't feel her for a long time. But whenever I start to worry, it seems like she knows... because I usually get a little reassuring jab from her telling me she is A.O.K.
We are working on the nursery! I was going to go all out, painting the walls, making murals, crafts for the walls. However, now that I am 30 weeks... I have pretty much given up on time consuming, intricate projects. However, I did make a vinyl creation on the wall with her name and cute damaske designs. I am also recovering a lamp shade... which should be my next post :) I am surprised by how well it turned out. I have a few more final touches for the lamp shade. I am still holding out on setting up the bedding.... Firstly, I don't want it to get dusty. Secondly, I think I will wait for a day when my hormones are already raging so that if I start to cry as I put it together, no one will be the wiser :)
Anywhos... Happy Thursday :)
I have a 4 day weekend... and I am going to enjoy EVERY MINUTE. Especially the sleeping in. Even though I can't sleep past 9 these days. There is just something wonderful about waking up without an alarm clock and knowing you have NO WHERE to be, that is just..... wonderful.
Tomorrow we are going to register for the baby shower. It will be interesting and I'm hoping I will not feel TOTALLY overwhelmed as we browse the aisles. For all you baby name crashers out there- ENJOY THE WAIT. hehe. We will reveal the name when we are ready!
WE LOVE YOU NEW YORK!
- If something makes me upset/sad I either get angry or weepy. There is NO imbetween.... and I used to be able to hide it better.
- Seems like pregnancy symptoms (i.e. ligament stretch pain, nausea, swollen feet) can go on for days and then randomly disappear! Or come for "flash moments" and then POOF! They vanish.
- I notice that I am starting to waddle a tiny bit. I am assuming that will only get worse the larger my bump becomes.
- I dislike that when I get a chiropractic adjustment. It only lasts about 24 hours... if that.
- I am, as of today, 27 weeks, and a lot of people still don't seem to notice I'm pregnant. C'mon people. However, my tummy skin isn't even tight yet, so I'm assuming Baby Girl has a bit more room to grow before my skin gets "tight & itchy".
- The other day I spotted this weird line protruding, and stretching from the middle of my bump, straight up to my ribs. When I pushed, it was pretty solid. So, I had Bryan feel it. We're pretty sure that was a leg or an arm... maybe a backbone.
- No one could prepare me for the weird dreams.
- I've never felt so much creativity block. I must be putting a lot of pressure on myself since every project I come up with for the nursery turns into a disaster!
- THANKFULLY! No one has randomly come up and started rubbing my stomach like Buddha. Maybe I've perfected the "don't touch" vibe... or maybe they don't know I'm pregnant.
- I can't believe that in a few more months she will be here. I'm so siked. It seems so far away.
- As of Monday, I can't stop thinking about everything baby. Nursery. Baby Shower. Baby. Clothes. Baby. Pink. Baby. Brown. Baby. Flowers. Baby. Projects.
According to the app on my phone, Baby Girl Sanders is approximately the size of an eggplant (about 10 inches) and about 2 lbs. This coming Sunday will make 3 weeks since I've felt her moving around on a regular basis. I do feel kicking, but almost as equally I feel what I can only imagine her doing as a "ROLL", or maybe her shuddering like a cold chill. The only 'regular' time I feel her moving is usually at 5:30 am. Her kicks aren't strong enough to wake me up, but I think she enjoys karate chopping my bladder. Usually once I get back from the bathroom and lay back down, I feel her kicking. The last few nights she seems to have woken me up from bad dreams. The little sweetheart.
Now that we know she's a SHE, the next pressing question people have for us is "Pick out a name yet?" I am very reserved in sharing it. Not because I think someone will use it before me. I mean, come on, I'm due in just a few months- but really just in case we change our minds. I think we have found it, and when we are alone at home we call her this name. But I'm not ready to share yet :) It'll be our little secret for a little while longer.
At this point, my tummy is a more round shape, and definitely fuller. I finally "look" pregnant, and am starting to feel pregnant. Every once in a while when I don't feel her move often, I feel like my normal, alone self. I have only gained 2 lbs, and most of my weight is redistributed to my baby tummy.
One of my fellow Young Women leaders said, "For some reason pregnant women attract stupid people." I am beginning to understand that warning. Some people think I look small for how far along I am, some people say I look BIG. Those are the ones I want to slap with my new found pregnancy strength. haha. Just kidding. But it is interesting how everyone wants to put their two cents in. Some people are jsut beginning to notice the bump, and give me a funny look, and I nodd. They get so excited! And then they are baffled when I tell them I am about 6 months along. haha. It's kinda fun sometimes.
My mom said she would help me throw a shower. I am extremely grateful and excited. I think we picked a date at the end of September, but as of this moment I can't remember which day. hahaha. But, I am enjoying this little lady, and I can't wait to meet her. She seems to be a sweet addition already, but I am looking forward to getting to know her from my inside and out.
It's cool how I already feel spiritually connected to her. Like she understands me, and I can understand some of her feelings. I'm glad to have a little sweetie. She will definitely make our holiday season this year interesting!
Thanks for reading!
Ice storm Monday night that kept us awake. Literally, at 3 in the morning it sounds like someone is right outside the window throwing rocks at it. Couldn't sleep till passed out at 5. No joke, SHEETS of ice on all roads and parking lots Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Mutuals canceled, work canceled, so I've been working from home since Tuesday! Now I know what you're thinking- Staci, you are pretty much a receptionist, what could you possibly be doing from home? Well let me tell ya, being me is no easy picnic!
I've had to call EVERYONE who's had appts, try and reschedule them, and deal with returning phone calls. Last night we got into the office from 3-6 and it was CRAMMMM PACKED full of people. They just started showing up saying that they were "DRIVING BY" and wanted to see if they could be "Squeezed in". Now if I was working for anyone else, I would be happy to say "No, sorry. And by the way... You HAPPENED to be driving in Zero degree whether braving the icy tundra to just drive around?? I don't think so. State your business and own up that you knew you were going to try to bully me into getting an appt." HOWEVER, because I work for my brother who can't turn anyone away (because he's so nice), I knew I had to play nice, lol. It really doesn't bother me that people show up randomly, it bothers me that they don't tell me the truth or call me to let me know there's something wrong, and then expect to get in right away! Anyway, I was polite and charming as always.
LAST NIGHT! (Being Thursday), I figured by the weather reports that it was going snow. Just didn't know when. Well, we were crawling into bed last night, exhausted, at 11:45. As soon as I started to get comfy, and Andrew starts reading scriptures, a FIRE ALARM starts going off! I sit straight up and look up at the alarm in our room. "What the heck is that?" (Me thinking that our stupid alarm just needs batteries, though it was REDICULOUSLY more loud than usual!) Andrew LEAPS out of bed, and runs and opens the door to the living room and runs back in. "You need to get dressed!" he says. "WHAT?!" I yell over the alarm, "GET DRESSED NOW! WE GOTTA GO!" So I am throwing on clothes. THANKFUL that we made it to walmart a few hours earlier and bought me some thermal clothes! I am throwing everything on, throwing on socks that are dirty and slipping into shoes. My first instinct, Fry and Behr. Andrew is still getting clothes on. I RUN to the Fry's (The second bathroom) Bathroom, throw open the top drawer and grab his harness. I RUN to Fry (Who is freaked out by the alarm and hiding.) Grab him, literally whip that harness on in about 5 seconds (He is pretty much letting me do this). I grab Andrew's keys and he is yelling something about my keys & I don't know where they are so I yell come on! I'll get new ones! Meanwhile, I am unlocking the door and poke my head out to see if there are any flames... there is literally NO ONE in the hall. I turn and yell for Andrew to grab Behr's cage. I drop his keys, he bends down to get them. I run to the stairwell, half way down to look below to see if there was any smoke. NOTHING. Andrew locks the door and FLIES past me downstairs. In a split second I hear voices upstairs. "HELLO!!! I yell "WHAT'S GOING ON!!!???" The guy calmly walks to the balcony overlooking the stairwells and says, " I don't know? Anything on your floor?"
Andrew says its all clear downstairs and sees our neighbors. Meanwhile, I RUN back inside. Put together Fry's kennel and literally SHOVE HIM inside! I leave Behr and him by the door and run downstairs. "WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!"
Apparently, the neighbors below us had a waterline BREAK. They had water flowing through their second bedroom closet and when they opened the front door is was coming out. WOAH! And apparently it blew through the outside wall, and started draining out their patio as well! And apparently one of their fire sprinkler heads popped off from the pressure and that is what set off the alarm!
Needless to say,
SCARIEST 10 minutes of my life. Felt like an eternity. We stay downstairs with them for a little while. BTW, it did not comfort me at all when the guy upstairs with two big dogs comes down holding his beer, obviously already drunk, and starts telling us stories about which liquor each of his dogs prefers. The two daughters that live in that second bedroom directly below us are clutching their Budlight cans and smoking at the same time. Saying things like "Yeah, it was so weird.... Just heard this sliding sound then looked out the patio and it was water coming out everywhere." And another neighbor upstairs who said, "Oh, we were just playing Xbox and was like 'What's that sound?'" And NO joke, 2/3 of the building did not even leave their apartment!
Really? These are the people I am surrounded by.
Andrew was the one who called 911 about the alarm going off. Andrew was the one flagging down the firetruck. And all these people who are still under assumption of a fire are hanging out in the bottom corridor. Really? You don't even want to step aside to the FIELD across the freaking street? Where were you people in 3rd grade for fire drills? Oh wait, that's right, there was no alcohol for us in the 3rd grade!
Needless to stay it scared us silly. We got back inside the apartment at 12:30. I start playing Donkey Kong to try and get my mind of things... and allow my adrenaline to burn off. Meanwhile we brainstorm about all the "preparedness" stuff we need to do to get ready for something like this. 72 hour kits, copies of important docs, escape plans, etc.
Andrew looked around when we first got back inside, seeing Fry in the kennel and Behr next to him. "WHEN did you have TIME to put the kennel together?" I smirked and said, "When you're adrenaline is running as fast as mine, everything suddenly becomes crystal clear on where things are."
Man, that really taught us a lesson.
In the words of Scar & the hyenas: "BE PREPARED!!!"
And by the way, looked outside at 12:50. And EVERYTHING was covered in snow. Yeah, in 20 minutes cars, grass, street, EVERYTHING covered!
It snowed Sunday. Walk into church: raining. Get out of Sacrament precisely one hour later: Snowing. It's not that I don't like the sub freezing temperatures or the higher electric bill OR fear of getting in car accidents... I just don't think snow is worth the ice. :(
It's pretty though. Thought it was crazy when I got word that it was snowing in Mesa.
Just read a blog post from a good friend that spoke of her journey to get pregnant. Brought me close to tears. (Yeah! She finally did after a year or so, apparently.) But it made me a little sad. Always want what you can't have, right?
Andrew is going back to school FULL TIME. He officially turned in his 2 week notice last week to Chase. I am excited for him to be able to blow through school, however a small part of me just wants the whole thing to be over with. You know, the classes, the homework, the studying for exams. I thought that was over for me years ago. But I won't mind helping out. I miss being busy like that. The more part is that I just want our "real life" to start. You know, the house, pickett fence, big dog in the yard playing with the kids, the black SUV sitting in the garage (b/c I refuse to drive a mini-van). But then I get hit in the face and realize: This is real life.
The struggle. The hopes. The dreams. The failures. The emotions. The hard work. The sacrifices. The longing. The future. All these things depend on what we do now... And I know how rough it might become for us. But I also know what a blessing it will be.
I am also coming full circle to really understand how much of a woman I really am. (always the "tom-boy") How I can't let anyone else help me... and whatever goes wrong is my fault. And that I don't deserve the best. That I am responsible for every short coming I have. I know these are all just limitations I place on myself... blame on myself. But I'm trying to work around them. Trying to overcome them. I've been EXTREMELY emotional lately and it makes me angry. My eyes tear up to the brim and I refuse to let them fall. Mostly I'm angry because I don't like to cry. And sme times it doesn't make sense to cry!
Sorry this was a bummer post. I am just writing to see what revelations come out.
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