It snowed Sunday. Walk into church: raining. Get out of Sacrament precisely one hour later: Snowing. It's not that I don't like the sub freezing temperatures or the higher electric bill OR fear of getting in car accidents... I just don't think snow is worth the ice. :(

It's pretty though. Thought it was crazy when I got word that it was snowing in Mesa.

Just read a blog post from a good friend that spoke of her journey to get pregnant. Brought me close to tears. (Yeah! She finally did after a year or so, apparently.) But it made me a little sad. Always want what you can't have, right?


Andrew is going back to school FULL TIME. He officially turned in his 2 week notice last week to Chase. I am excited for him to be able to blow through school, however a small part of me just wants the whole thing to be over with. You know, the classes, the homework, the studying for exams. I thought that was over for me years ago. But I won't mind helping out. I miss being busy like that. The more part is that I just want our "real life" to start. You know, the house, pickett fence, big dog in the yard playing with the kids, the black SUV sitting in the garage (b/c I refuse to drive a mini-van). But then I get hit in the face and realize: This is real life.

The struggle. The hopes. The dreams. The failures. The emotions. The hard work. The sacrifices. The longing. The future. All these things depend on what we do now... And I know how rough it might become for us. But I also know what a blessing it will be.

I am also coming full circle to really understand how much of a woman I really am. (always the "tom-boy") How I can't let anyone else help me... and whatever goes wrong is my fault. And that I don't deserve the best. That I am responsible for every short coming I have. I know these are all just limitations I place on myself... blame on myself. But I'm trying to work around them. Trying to overcome them. I've been EXTREMELY emotional lately and it makes me angry. My eyes tear up to the brim and I refuse to let them fall. Mostly I'm angry because I don't like to cry. And sme times it doesn't make sense to cry!

Sorry this was a bummer post. I am just writing to see what revelations come out.



Christy said...

I longed for the days when we would be done with school and life would be more comfortable too. But now i miss being in school. Not just cause i miss learning and class but i miss the variability, the the simpleness of it all. Cause in reality life is not about papers and tests. Bigger problems seem to come your way. And now life seems monotaneous, how do you spell that. Day in, day out, its the same thing. Work, eat, sleep. So i hope andrew enjoys it while he has it. You should think about going back to school!

Heather said...

Congrats Staci & Andrew! I know this was a BIG decision but when you know it is right you just have to take a leap of faith. REAL Life - not always as fun as it seems. I am learning that we have to enjoy each stage of life that we go through. I remember when I had 4 small babies at home and it was CRAZY. I couldn't wait, or so I thought, til they went to school. I would give anything to have that back again. I miss them like crazy. I didn't expect that one. Now I am learning to love this new stage althought I didn't greet it very happily. I was pretty depressed for months. Life is definately a journey (or a roller coaster) that we have to learn to love ALL the stages. Good luck girl! I love you!

April Hardy said...

Your Drew will be done with school before my Drew. It makes me happy for you, sad for me- I am glad Andrew is so motivated and pushing through to get it done. It'll be such a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things. But you should really enjoy this stage youre at now, just you and Andrew...once there is a baby it'll never ever be the same. And you'll long for the days when "Andrew was in school and I was working and things seemed simpler then..." Keep your head up!

Christy said...

Don't you love having older siblings to give you advice? I doubt it.

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