Still... kickin' from the inside

So-- I feel like such a wreck. How do most women have postpartum symptoms and I have pre-partum symptoms?

I can't think of anything that would relieve me more than if this little girl were here already.

Today started like a normal Sunday. Not so normally, Andrew woke up slightly grumpy, but luckily for me he turned it around himself by Sunday School 2nd hour. I however, count myself "let off easy"... since he had to deal with my mood swings and random crying outbursts after church. He definitely wins the most "Compassionate, Loving, Wonderful, Can't-wait-for-him-to-Father-my-Children" Award. If I could buy a trophy and fit all that verbiage on there, I would make it for him for our 3rd year anniversary tomorrow!

I'm hoping these mood swings and crying fits are purely hormonal. I don't know if Andrew will say otherwise, but I think I've been really in control this whole time... and now today it burst out of me like a canon. It's like: I want to be alone, but as soon as I am left alone I beg for company. When I say I think sleep will help- I lay down, and then decide it is too darn uncomfortable to stay there. Lucky for me, Andrew has been EXTREMELY patient with me, and also stays completely rational during my crisis... and doesn't take it personally if I say I want to be alone. :) I owe him big time! The outbreak only lasted a couple of hours... but it still haunts me. I hate that feeling of being out of control.

I think it is just everything accumulating, that PLUS hormones, that got me twirled. The constant chatter from Dr's, and let's not forget the little voice that is constantly bugging me from inside my own mind of "When will she be here?" "How will labor go?" "How big is she really?" are killing me. I should have known better that by the end of the pregnancy I could not stand to wait for her to come on her own :) I'm way too impatient... and all the false labor isn't helping either. I've thought every day for the past 4 days was to be the day because I would start having stronger contractions spaced out for a few hours... and then they would abruptly stop. There is no better way to get a prego's hopes up, is there?

I just don't know how much longer I can wait... I'm so excited for the next leg of this journey... to have the reward from this 9 month pregnancy... and to see her little face and to know she is mine... and the look I can practically see on Andrew's face when his eyes fall onto her little self for the first time.

How did you cope with the last weeks.days of pregnancy?



Lindsey said...

How do we cope? One hour at a time. Try distraction... you know that instant queue on Netflix?! There's a good place to start... go for walks, plan for Christmas or do some deep cleaning, anything to get your mind off the waiting. I've always said that the WAITING is the hardest part of any pregnancy.

Lynaya said...

I really don't know how women cope at the end. I always had high blood pressure by this point and soon after a baby. Not a method I recommend. I always wonder what it would be like to have to rush to the hospital. I do agree with Lindsey. Keeping busy is all you can do to keep your mind off of it. Keeping busy is better than having to wait it out on bed rest.

Lanise said...

I'm with the other girls on this one. Keeping yourself busy is about all you can do! Plus they say being active and cleaning sometimes can put you into labor. Whatever you do, do not try castor oil, I have heard it is horrible and doesn't work. It just makes you extremely sick to your stomach and that would suck to be sick to your stomach and in labor! Bumpy roads don't work either, they just make you sore. Sorry I don't have anything else for ya! Wish I was there, I would take you out to distract you!!!! :o) hang in there!!!!

April Hardy said...

No one copes well. We all get anxious towards the end. She'll be here soon enough, and then your world will totally change. :) I had post partum depression before I had Bailey. It's totally normal, most people think it's only after the baby is born, but more women than you realize suffer from it before the baby even comes. The "post" throws people off. I usually turn my phone to silent at night, but lately I have kept the volume on incase you send an important text. :)

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