HOLIDAY '08!

So, I love my husband- yeah "HUSBAND"-still weird to say! It's our first Christmas season together. It's not that I'm nervous... or anythin'. I just miss my family. My sisters are still in the valley. Which, hey, I love them to death and I think I'm getting closer to them now that I can semi relate to their stage in life... Though- their's involve kiddos.

Me and Andrew have decided to stall on having children for as long as possible. 2-3 years maybe. No doubt we'll have the cutest kids on the planet though. I mean come on, have you seen our baby pictures??

Oh yeah- and they're gonna be happy! : D

Well, just trying to get into the habit of updating on here... we just got internet Saturday! WOOHOO! I'm SO glad. I haven't had internet since the end of AUGUST! JEEZE! It was painful!

Anyway guys, love you!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

<3 STACI!

Boys Night Out

"Are you coming?" Brian asked.
"Nah," I replied, "I would... but I'm not a guy."
"Well, I could be a girl for tonight. Then it really wouldn't be a guy's night." (Brian)

Haha. I love that kid. When Andrew was telling me that he needed a "Wings Night out with the boys", I was more than supportive. Believe me, I understand that I can't fill all needs. I'm sure one of these days I will need a girls night out.... eventually. lol.

Ack. It's only been like... 2 hours. I miss him. I am so lame. haha.

Tomorrow's my 22nd birthday... Whew. So old. This past year has been absolutely nuts! I cannot believe all that has happened.

I'm afraid I may have hurt Andrew's feelings the day after Thanksgiving (Black Friday). When I sent a text to my friend stating "Do not get married... The 12 plagues of Egypt will find you." I didn't write it to be mean, I just wrote it because since we had been married. Everything has gone wrong.

We have both been sick since the wedding, me imparticular. I've had to go to a doctor twice. Then I was running to my car Friday morning at 5:20 am to get to work by 5:30 for the Black Friday Staples rush- when I found that my car was broken into. My whole driver side window was smashed to pieces. They didn't get away with much, but it still sent me reeling, and I'm still a little bitter.

Today after work I stopped in the office to file my complaint about the gate being open for a week straight at night. I was stern, slightly intimidating, and a little stubborn. I basically told them I was not leaving until I got a new parking spot closer to my apartment. I WON! After 3 months, this was my second try at getting it changed. I guess you just have to know how to throw your weight around. Anyway, now I have a spot that I can see from all the front windows of the apartment. WOOHOO!

Anyway, I think I'm gonna head home and see if he's home yet :)

Thanks for... reading?

haha

-REBEL!

I'm...

I'm falling asleep. I'm drowning in rain. I'm calling your name. I'm washing you out. I'm taking a stroll. I'm hailing a cab. I'm breaking away. I'm never looking back. I'm not your savior. I'm not hanging around.

I'm just a girl. I've got one place to go. I've got a new life. I'm raring to go. I'm moving forward. I'm not letting you pull me back. I'm over this crap. I'm over the bridge. I'm done with crying. I'm done with your stunts. I'm done with your self-pity.

I'm calling you out. I'm realizing your lack of potential. I'm feeling sorry for you. I'm not sorry enough. I'm closing the door in your face. I'm not remembering your name. I'm erasing the number that connects you and I. I'm telling you I retract all feelings I felt. I'm seeing the truth. I'm seeing how shallow we were. I'm staring the future in the face.

I'm seeing him walking closer to me. I'm seeing the blue eyes that pierce my soul. I'm reaching a hand to grasp the hand I know. I'm hugging the body that keeps me warm. I'm smiling the smile that only he knows. I'm talking in whispers so only he can hear. I'm telling my husband, to always stay near.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Looking back on past relationships, they were all the same. All shallow, all were what I thought I wanted. I know what I want. I have him. He helps me clean dishes, and plays "Paper Mario" with me. He's the one that pulls me close at night and is willing to cuddle and call me all day.

I have a 'Southern Temper' that gets me in trouble every time. I'm trying to get it under control. I threw a fit last night and immediately afterwards, before he even knew that I was really throwing a tantrum, I was sobbing and begging for forgiveness. Want to know what kind of man I married? A righteous one. His suggestion? "Let's pray. I'll go first. Then it's your turn," as he grasped my hands as we knelt on the floor.

The prayer that came from my lips was a struggling one. It took a long time to start, and even longer to say all I needed. I knew it was my selfish pride and quick-temper that was my issue. I'm not very good at communicating when in conflict. I don't WANT to be mad at him. So, I have this internal conflict that rips me in two pieces first over what "objectively" is the right answer to the question (i.e. such as "Is it really fair that I have to do my chores and part of his??"). Then whether it is appropriate for me to be as upset as I am. It tears me up because I want to feel justified. THen I get upset because I don't even know if he knows I'm upset. It's all part of the "experience" of the first year right? I'm doing my best :)


Thanks for reading. Feel free to comment it up!

Whew- News

Yeah- I'm engaged! It is sooo crazy to think about! Sometimes when it gets quiet... and he's laying his head in my arms.... It almost feels like it's not real. Has anyone else had that feeling? Sometimes when I'm watching him walk towards me, I get that "deja vu" feeling that I'd been there before. It's weird.

I'm totally in love, and now that it's 1 am, It's officially 36 DAYS!!! Woah! That's crazy! Still so much to do! I just... wow. I know it's him- without a doubt. That's what makes me excited- the only part I'm nervous about is the fact that I am so young. I feel immature in some ways- but I think I have just been trying to go against the sterotypes of all the lds girls I don't get along with, and now I'm one of them.
But hey, at least I'm actually marrying someone I am 100% totally, madly in love with. I'll devote my life, love, and happiness to him and our future together. Isn't it EXCITING?!

Ah, how do people deal with long engagements-> I'll NEVER UNDERSTAND!

Here's what I mean; (NO! It's not photoshopped!!!)

(I set this one up- SO IN LOVE!)

Thanks for reading guys <3 You

-REBEL

Will you ever be there?

When the storm comes,
Will you be there to comfort me?
When I’m scared for what is to come,
Will you be there to put an arm around me?
When I need help,
Will you be there to lend a helping hand?
When I’m in doubt,
Will you be there to reassure me everything will be okay?
When sorrow has overwhelmed me,
Will you be there to give me a hug?
When all I see is through blurry eyes,
Will you be there to wipe away my tears?
When I call out your name,
Will you answer?
When, one day, I say ‘I Love You’,
Will you say ‘I Love You too’?
When the storm comes,
I will be there to comfort you.
When you’re scared for what is to come,
I will be there to put an arm around you.
When you need help,
I will be there to lend a helping hand.
When you’re in doubt,
I will be there to reassure you everything will be okay.
When sorrow has overwhelmed you,
I will be there to give you a hug.
When all you see is through blurry eyes,
I will be there to wipe away your tears.
When you call out my name,
I will answer.
When, one day, you say ‘I love you’.

"My Soul is Bigger Than Temptation"

The last thought lingers, quietly.
longingly, wishingly: Please leave.
I need no despair, or help of lonliness.
Leave me be to vindicate my soul.
To grab with more than my reach,
yet the gleam of the steel
still escapes by inches.
One more lunge upon the dirt,
Please do not let me fall.
The world tugging on my ankles and laces,
The whispers of those turning to screams.
Leave me alone! I try to scream.
Yet once again, it shows unheard.
Until suddenly a hand extends,
and at once my fingertips touch the cool metal.
There is no time to think, only
w/ zeal to grab hold w/ my full strength,and pull
until the power to swing the other hand forward comes.

But once my grip tightens,
So also does the world's, and
the tugging becomes yanking.

And as the yanking turns to pulling,
my lips finally part &
my voice fills the air as the words
"I BELIEVE IN CHRIST"
come forth,
Reverberating the air, and the
waves turn to pierce the hearts of the world.

My tears falling freely to the earth,
the dirt turns to grass.
I pull myself to my feet.

I find myself alone,
where the darkness portrays a solid wall on each side of the path.
The dimness slowly becomes brighter yet.
As the light is so bright,
I look to my left,
to see the long pathway where the start is unclear.
I hear a far off cry:
"STACI! STACI! You're HERE! YOU'RE HERE!"
As I slowly turn to my right,
the path's end is but not too far a distance.
There stands my family,
and my love-
All waving their arms and jumping in celebration of the sight of me.

The tree wasn't elaborate, but
was the fullest, prettiest, and held the most perfect fruit.

No time to think,
No time to walk,
My right hand let go of the rod of iron,
to run with a new found strength,
into the arms of those who really matter.