I stole this from my friends facebook notes and had to share cause they made me laugh and cry at the same time... (I, Staci, tried to edit most of the bad words out, hopefully I didn't miss any :/)
1. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think
about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own
story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
you're wrong.
3. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be
going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction
from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch
or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that
no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching
directions on the sidewalk.
4. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger.
5. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This
recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be
ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
6. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix
the problem. Every kid in in the country did that, but how did we all know
how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's.
We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
7. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
8. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the crap was going on when I first saw
it.
9. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90
minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at
the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a
millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really,
really gets it.
10. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
11. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
12. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.
13. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to
finish a text.
14. Was learning cursive really necessary?
15. Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to
say".
16. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger
17. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
18. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a prick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
19. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each
other?
20. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart!!
21. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.
22. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
shower first and THEN turn on the water.
23. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.
25. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
26. Bad decisions make good stories
27. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the
Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
28. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every
year?
29. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a
problem....
30. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.
31. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
want to have to restart my collection.
32. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
33. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I
did not make any changes to.
34. While watching the Olympics, I found myself cheering equally for China
and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that
when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.
35. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes
to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run
away?
36. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing
anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
37. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,
then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
38. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising
speed for pedophiles...
39. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. (Me: Don't discriminate!)
40. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.
41. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.
42. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -
but I'd bet my butt everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3
feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
43. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they
drive behind obeys the speed limit.
44. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
45. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw
they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone
at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and
then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require
such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's
nothing like being made to feel like a fat beast before dinner.
1. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think
about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own
story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
you're wrong.
3. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be
going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction
from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch
or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that
no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching
directions on the sidewalk.
4. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger.
5. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This
recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be
ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
6. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix
the problem. Every kid in in the country did that, but how did we all know
how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's.
We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
7. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
8. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the crap was going on when I first saw
it.
9. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90
minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at
the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a
millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really,
really gets it.
10. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
11. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
12. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.
13. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to
finish a text.
14. Was learning cursive really necessary?
15. Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to
say".
16. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger
17. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
18. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a prick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
19. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each
other?
20. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart!!
21. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.
22. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
shower first and THEN turn on the water.
23. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.
25. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
26. Bad decisions make good stories
27. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the
Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
28. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every
year?
29. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a
problem....
30. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.
31. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
want to have to restart my collection.
32. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
33. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I
did not make any changes to.
34. While watching the Olympics, I found myself cheering equally for China
and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that
when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.
35. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes
to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run
away?
36. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing
anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
37. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,
then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
38. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising
speed for pedophiles...
39. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. (Me: Don't discriminate!)
40. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.
41. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.
42. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -
but I'd bet my butt everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3
feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
43. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they
drive behind obeys the speed limit.
44. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
45. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw
they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone
at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and
then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require
such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's
nothing like being made to feel like a fat beast before dinner.
