Pregnancy

Things That I Find Random with Pregnancy

• If something makes me upset/sad I either get angry or weepy. There is NO imbetween.... and I used to be able to hide it better.
  
• Seems like pregnancy symptoms (i.e. ligament stretch pain, nausea, swollen feet) can go on for days and then randomly disappear! Or come for "flash moments" and then POOF! They vanish.
• I notice that I am starting to waddle a tiny bit. I am assuming that will only get worse the larger my bump becomes.
• I dislike that when I get a chiropractic adjustment. It only lasts about 24 hours... if that.
• I am, as of today, 27 weeks, and a lot of people still don't seem to notice I'm pregnant. C'mon people. However, my tummy skin isn't even tight yet, so I'm assuming Baby Girl has a bit more room to grow before my skin gets "tight & itchy".
• The other day I spotted this weird line protruding, and stretching from the middle of my bump, straight up to my ribs. When I pushed, it was pretty solid. So, I had Bryan feel it. We're pretty sure that was a leg or an arm... maybe a backbone.
  
• No one could prepare me for the weird dreams.
  
• I've never felt so much creativity block. I must be putting a lot of pressure on myself since every project I come up with for the nursery turns into a disaster!
• THANKFULLY! No one has randomly come up and started rubbing my stomach like Buddha. Maybe I've perfected the "don't touch" vibe... or maybe they don't know I'm pregnant.
  
• I can't believe that in a few more months she will be here. I'm so siked. It seems so far away.

• As of Monday, I can't stop thinking about everything baby. Nursery. Baby Shower. Baby. Clothes. Baby. Pink. Baby. Brown. Baby. Flowers. Baby. Projects.
  

If my upcoming projects work out... which consists of updating a lamp shade, making a nursing cover, and decorating the walls... I will be happy to post pictures :)


Sanders Out

Hm. Where did July go?

Well, as of Wednesday I was 26 weeks :)

According to the app on my phone, Baby Girl Sanders is approximately the size of an eggplant (about 10 inches) and about 2 lbs. This coming Sunday will make 3 weeks since I've felt her moving around on a regular basis. I do feel kicking, but almost as equally I feel what I can only imagine her doing as a "ROLL", or maybe her shuddering like a cold chill. The only 'regular' time I feel her moving is usually at 5:30 am. Her kicks aren't strong enough to wake me up, but I think she enjoys karate chopping my bladder. Usually once I get back from the bathroom and lay back down, I feel her kicking. The last few nights she seems to have woken me up from bad dreams. The little sweetheart.

Now that we know she's a SHE, the next pressing question people have for us is "Pick out a name yet?" I am very reserved in sharing it. Not because I think someone will use it before me. I mean, come on, I'm due in just a few months- but really just in case we change our minds. I think we have found it, and when we are alone at home we call her this name. But I'm not ready to share yet :) It'll be our little secret for a little while longer.

At this point, my tummy is a more round shape, and definitely fuller. I finally "look" pregnant, and am starting to feel pregnant. Every once in a while when I don't feel her move often, I feel like my normal, alone self. I have only gained 2 lbs, and most of my weight is redistributed to my baby tummy.

One of my fellow Young Women leaders said, "For some reason pregnant women attract stupid people." I am beginning to understand that warning. Some people think I look small for how far along I am, some people say I look BIG. Those are the ones I want to slap with my new found pregnancy strength. haha. Just kidding. But it is interesting how everyone wants to put their two cents in. Some people are jsut beginning to notice the bump, and give me a funny look, and I nodd. They get so excited! And then they are baffled when I tell them I am about 6 months along. haha. It's kinda fun sometimes.

My mom said she would help me throw a shower. I am extremely grateful and excited. I think we picked a date at the end of September, but as of this moment I can't remember which day. hahaha. But, I am enjoying this little lady, and I can't wait to meet her. She seems to be a sweet addition already, but I am looking forward to getting to know her from my inside and out.

It's cool how I already feel spiritually connected to her. Like she understands me, and I can understand some of her feelings. I'm glad to have a little sweetie. She will definitely make our holiday season this year interesting!

Thanks for reading!


-SANDERS OUT

Time Keeps on Slippin...

So wow. Really Stac? Last time I posted was February? YIKES.

Well, as most of you already know, Andrew & I's life has officially changed... FOREVER.

Meet our Baby Sanders. Are we going to find out if it's a boy or a girl? We have an appointment set for June 28 to find out!! And it can't come soon enough.

Like most prego women... it's all I can think about. In the beginning I was 95% sure the baby was a boy. And now just a few weeks ago I started thinking it might be a girl. What the heck? haha. But, I don't have ESP, so I guess it is all good that I have no idea if my baby is a boy or a girl.

During the few moments a day that I am not dwelling on whether I should be picking out blues or yellows, I am yearning to hold this little tyke. In the middle of the night I wake up with my arms protectively around my stomach.

I felt him or her move for the first time a few weeks ago (Well, I actually KNEW it was movement and didn't second guess it was a cramp.), and it was amazing! Andrew was laying with his head on my stomach as I was sitting on the couch, and a felt a tap tap tap on the INSIDE! Not believing what I was feeling, I said nothing, waiting to feel it again. Needless to say about 15 seconds later I felt another tap tap tap. Which was immediately followed by me shoving Andrew off me and telling him he was squishing the baby. Haha.

So now I love waiting for the little moments when I feel the pressure of a footsticking out as the little guy or gal stretches out. Or getting those tap tap taps. I am excited for the day when Andrew can feel them too.

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Meanwhile, as I hear the dogs in the apartment above us romping around chasing a ball, causing thunder sounds, and shaking our light fixtures- it reminds me: WE ARE OUT OF HERE!

That's right. The cheap price of this apartment is no longer worth the stress of our super rude and irresponsible neighbors to the north and south of us. Plus I told Andrew (before I was even prego with a baby) that I don't care if we have to move into a cheaper smaller apartment in a different complex- I will not have a baby living in these conditions. With the stress level and response it brings out of me, it is not healthy for ANYONE to be around me when the dogs start running upstairs and the bass starts rumbling my floor and ceiling. Plus the hostility of our downstairs neighbors has pretty much decided for me that I will be out of this apartment and never tell them I am having a baby. They don't deserve the chance to try to ruin the happiest thing in our lives.

So, we are excited to tell you that we are moving miles away from this complex. We, well, mostly I, wanted to stay in our ward boundaries, so we moved to the other side of the ward boundaries. So I am thrilled. We will be on the top floor. We literally looked at 12 different apartments in about a week and a half before walking into this plain Jane looking complex. Nothing could prepare me for when we walked through the door to the model apartment.

Quite literally I was overcome with joy, and an incredible sense of calming. A weird combination to have at the same time. But oh so refreshing. The only bad thing is that we had to extend our current lease for one more week so that the current resident could move out on time. However, I know it will be worth the wait. ESPECIALLY since we will be on the top floor. YEA! No more stomping feet, things being dropped, and DOGS wrestling at 3 am shaking our ceiling... I am crying just thinking about how nice it will be. Oh! And when it rains- we'll be able to hear it on the rooftop!

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So needless to say, our life in multiple areas is changing. But man! I can't wait.

Sanders Out

What's with the Weather?

Ok, Crazy week!

Ice storm Monday night that kept us awake. Literally, at 3 in the morning it sounds like someone is right outside the window throwing rocks at it. Couldn't sleep till passed out at 5. No joke, SHEETS of ice on all roads and parking lots Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Mutuals canceled, work canceled, so I've been working from home since Tuesday! Now I know what you're thinking- Staci, you are pretty much a receptionist, what could you possibly be doing from home? Well let me tell ya, being me is no easy picnic!

I've had to call EVERYONE who's had appts, try and reschedule them, and deal with returning phone calls. Last night we got into the office from 3-6 and it was CRAMMMM PACKED full of people. They just started showing up saying that they were "DRIVING BY" and wanted to see if they could be "Squeezed in". Now if I was working for anyone else, I would be happy to say "No, sorry. And by the way... You HAPPENED to be driving in Zero degree whether braving the icy tundra to just drive around?? I don't think so. State your business and own up that you knew you were going to try to bully me into getting an appt." HOWEVER, because I work for my brother who can't turn anyone away (because he's so nice), I knew I had to play nice, lol. It really doesn't bother me that people show up randomly, it bothers me that they don't tell me the truth or call me to let me know there's something wrong, and then expect to get in right away! Anyway, I was polite and charming as always.

LAST NIGHT! (Being Thursday), I figured by the weather reports that it was going snow. Just didn't know when. Well, we were crawling into bed last night, exhausted, at 11:45. As soon as I started to get comfy, and Andrew starts reading scriptures, a FIRE ALARM starts going off! I sit straight up and look up at the alarm in our room. "What the heck is that?" (Me thinking that our stupid alarm just needs batteries, though it was REDICULOUSLY more loud than usual!) Andrew LEAPS out of bed, and runs and opens the door to the living room and runs back in. "You need to get dressed!" he says. "WHAT?!" I yell over the alarm, "GET DRESSED NOW! WE GOTTA GO!" So I am throwing on clothes. THANKFUL that we made it to walmart a few hours earlier and bought me some thermal clothes! I am throwing everything on, throwing on socks that are dirty and slipping into shoes. My first instinct, Fry and Behr. Andrew is still getting clothes on. I RUN to the Fry's (The second bathroom) Bathroom, throw open the top drawer and grab his harness. I RUN to Fry (Who is freaked out by the alarm and hiding.) Grab him, literally whip that harness on in about 5 seconds (He is pretty much letting me do this). I grab Andrew's keys and he is yelling something about my keys & I don't know where they are so I yell come on! I'll get new ones! Meanwhile, I am unlocking the door and poke my head out to see if there are any flames... there is literally NO ONE in the hall. I turn and yell for Andrew to grab Behr's cage. I drop his keys, he bends down to get them. I run to the stairwell, half way down to look below to see if there was any smoke. NOTHING. Andrew locks the door and FLIES past me downstairs. In a split second I hear voices upstairs. "HELLO!!! I yell "WHAT'S GOING ON!!!???" The guy calmly walks to the balcony overlooking the stairwells and says, " I don't know? Anything on your floor?"

Andrew says its all clear downstairs and sees our neighbors. Meanwhile, I RUN back inside. Put together Fry's kennel and literally SHOVE HIM inside! I leave Behr and him by the door and run downstairs. "WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!"

Apparently, the neighbors below us had a waterline BREAK. They had water flowing through their second bedroom closet and when they opened the front door is was coming out. WOAH! And apparently it blew through the outside wall, and started draining out their patio as well! And apparently one of their fire sprinkler heads popped off from the pressure and that is what set off the alarm!

Needless to say,

SCARIEST 10 minutes of my life. Felt like an eternity. We stay downstairs with them for a little while. BTW, it did not comfort me at all when the guy upstairs with two big dogs comes down holding his beer, obviously already drunk, and starts telling us stories about which liquor each of his dogs prefers. The two daughters that live in that second bedroom directly below us are clutching their Budlight cans and smoking at the same time. Saying things like "Yeah, it was so weird.... Just heard this sliding sound then looked out the patio and it was water coming out everywhere." And another neighbor upstairs who said, "Oh, we were just playing Xbox and was like 'What's that sound?'" And NO joke, 2/3 of the building did not even leave their apartment!

Really? These are the people I am surrounded by.

Andrew was the one who called 911 about the alarm going off. Andrew was the one flagging down the firetruck. And all these people who are still under assumption of a fire are hanging out in the bottom corridor. Really? You don't even want to step aside to the FIELD across the freaking street? Where were you people in 3rd grade for fire drills? Oh wait, that's right, there was no alcohol for us in the 3rd grade!

Needless to stay it scared us silly. We got back inside the apartment at 12:30. I start playing Donkey Kong to try and get my mind of things... and allow my adrenaline to burn off. Meanwhile we brainstorm about all the "preparedness" stuff we need to do to get ready for something like this. 72 hour kits, copies of important docs, escape plans, etc.

Andrew looked around when we first got back inside, seeing Fry in the kennel and Behr next to him. "WHEN did you have TIME to put the kennel together?" I smirked and said, "When you're adrenaline is running as fast as mine, everything suddenly becomes crystal clear on where things are."

Man, that really taught us a lesson.

In the words of Scar & the hyenas: "BE PREPARED!!!"

And by the way, looked outside at 12:50. And EVERYTHING was covered in snow. Yeah, in 20 minutes cars, grass, street, EVERYTHING covered!

Bluck

Yep,

It snowed Sunday. Walk into church: raining. Get out of Sacrament precisely one hour later: Snowing. It's not that I don't like the sub freezing temperatures or the higher electric bill OR fear of getting in car accidents... I just don't think snow is worth the ice. :(

It's pretty though. Thought it was crazy when I got word that it was snowing in Mesa.

Just read a blog post from a good friend that spoke of her journey to get pregnant. Brought me close to tears. (Yeah! She finally did after a year or so, apparently.) But it made me a little sad. Always want what you can't have, right?

BIG NEWS

Andrew is going back to school FULL TIME. He officially turned in his 2 week notice last week to Chase. I am excited for him to be able to blow through school, however a small part of me just wants the whole thing to be over with. You know, the classes, the homework, the studying for exams. I thought that was over for me years ago. But I won't mind helping out. I miss being busy like that. The more part is that I just want our "real life" to start. You know, the house, pickett fence, big dog in the yard playing with the kids, the black SUV sitting in the garage (b/c I refuse to drive a mini-van). But then I get hit in the face and realize: This is real life.

The struggle. The hopes. The dreams. The failures. The emotions. The hard work. The sacrifices. The longing. The future. All these things depend on what we do now... And I know how rough it might become for us. But I also know what a blessing it will be.



I am also coming full circle to really understand how much of a woman I really am. (always the "tom-boy") How I can't let anyone else help me... and whatever goes wrong is my fault. And that I don't deserve the best. That I am responsible for every short coming I have. I know these are all just limitations I place on myself... blame on myself. But I'm trying to work around them. Trying to overcome them. I've been EXTREMELY emotional lately and it makes me angry. My eyes tear up to the brim and I refuse to let them fall. Mostly I'm angry because I don't like to cry. And sme times it doesn't make sense to cry!

Sorry this was a bummer post. I am just writing to see what revelations come out.

-STACI

With all the emotion testing and new outbreaks, and everything relating health... I've been feeling a little overwhelmed lately. I've been more accutely aware of how I'm feeling. Feels like the emotional testing actually takes the blame away from you and places it on someone else. Like the other day, I was so angry I was literally shaking and would not smile at anyone who came my way. So I grabbed Stephanie and asked her to test me. Sure enough, there were some emotions sitting right on top. When she released the third one, I literally felt like I had a shot of morphine come over me. Stephanie said she could feel it too.

I have definitely been aware more of people's actions, right or wrong, and the lack of consequences lately. Maybe it was because of the most recent general conference was about being true to yourself and consequences of choices. I dunno. But it seems like I am more aware of people's lack of responisbility, and who they dump it on. As you can probably tell by the forshadowing, it seems like I am always the one who gets the job done.. for everyone.

I also laughed at the one talk in GC where the statment about how people who have less busy schedules than others think they are less important. PSH. That is so crazy. I would ADORE a schedule where I wasn't so busy. I'm lucky I have a smartphone now so that I can keep up with Andrew and myself. Between work, school, and church, and "favors" for other people, we are flying by the seat of our pants. It's just rediculous.

I don't mind doing service. AT ALL. I love helping people who are in a real need. However, I also like it when people know when a future event is happening, and they will need help at that time. That's great. What's NOT great, is when they ask me to do something seemingly simple, and I agree, and then it turns into this huge ordeal because of hidden tasks that they did not mention upfront. I'll give you a hypothetical situation. Jane Doe asks me to let her dogs out for her at a future date for when she goes into labor. GREAT! I love dogs, and would love to help! Sounds simple enough, right? Go over there a couple times a day and let them out. But oh wait, a few weeks later as the due date draws near here comes a list of things to do. They need to be let out at certain times a day, need to be fed certain times a day, one has certain vitamins with her meal, one can't be left unattended... oh yeah, and one of the scheduled times is while you are at work.... How can you possibly achieve that one? Oh yeah, and when you come for the first time first thing in the morning to let them out, apparently one of them has neurological problems that causes her to run in circles and is also totally skittish to strangers and won't go near them. That would be good information to know before hand, right? 'Cause if you had known you would have gone over there a few times to meet the dog so she wasn't totally afraid of you.

This is just an example of irresponsibilities I feel like I have to deal with on a weekly basis. I love to help. But jeeze, HELP me HELP you!

I Know this is a totally bummer blog post. But maybe it's a good reminder for some not to have hidden agendas or maybe for everyone to reset their clocks to the times.

My message if I were a general authority: Stop blaming others for your mistakes. And also one of my favorite quotes: "My failure to plan ahead does not create an emergency for you today".

THANK YOU NEW YORK!

Dreamweaver

So, crazy stuff happens sometimes. I've been dreaming a lot lately, which is bizarre for me to have this many in such a short amount of time. None of them are good (duh). But at least I don't wake up screaming covered in cold sweat like the old ones.

I have been getting spooked a lot easier lately though.. and that is even more bothersome.

I hate feeling vulnerable.
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On a brighter side, tomorrow, at 9 am sharp, I am having my FIRST polygraph done! I am so so thrilled! Don't worry, I didn't do anything wrong! I am actually getting deeper and deeper into the process for my internship (sounds so much more official than "volunteering", right?) for the Arlington Police Department's Victim Advocacy program. This is getting deeper into the process! I don't have much else to do I think. I will be siked once I finally get to go do training and then go in a companionship to "on scene" calls... and really... help people. While for the last couple years I've felt like this is the direction I was destined to go, I want to make sure this is what I really want to do. And what better way to keep your current job in great standing and just go and volunteer for what might be a future permanent career... right? I feel like this will finally make up my mind on the matter. Will the work suck me in completely where I know I will never want to do anything else for a career? Or will it not be what I thought it was? I'm super excited to find out!

I'll let ya know how the test goes!

-STACI